Birthdays Everywhere

Yesterday was David's birthday. He liked all his presents but he still had to go to work and then he ended up getting sick! Poor guy.

In 3 days Nick will turn 14. My baby is no longer a baby! It seems like in the blink of an eye he went from my tiny premature baby to this almost 14 year old who is computer savvy, has a girlfriend, and is getting taller by the minute. He has shaggy black hair, big brown eyes and has a face that's been dusted with freckles. He is the cutest thing I've ever seen!

My birthday is coming up in early June. And then later in June is 2 of my brother-n-in-laws birthdays and in July is a nieces b-day. Birthdays are a constant reminder that no matter what life goes on. We all keep moving forward if by nothing else then sheer force.

Time keeps-a tick'in on.

Tick Tock

Memorial Day

Every year I age Memorial Day has a little bit more meaning to me. I understand it's significance more each year. And I realize that it's not just a celebration of the lives lost defending our country but also a remembrance of the lives wounded, the families effected, the survivors that are left behind and forced to keep moving forward. What an amazing and emotional day.

In other news,

I had a mini melt down the other night. I'm not handling the fact that my sons are growing up and I'm no longer the main focus of their lives. You have to understand, for YEARS I was their main playmate, their personal chef, the one they ran to for skinned knees, for hugs and kisses, for entertainment, and for love. No ones opinion meant very much except for mine and David's. We were the center of their entire lives. Now they are teenagers and they have friends, girlfriends, school clubs, they have favorite bands, their own favorite tv shows that I don't understand, they have interest outside of our 4 small walls.

I have separation anxiety - just like my little Frankie does when I leave the house. He barks, moans, groans, whimpers, and howls. I do all that too, inside my head, every day.

I know this is unhealthy. The rational side of me is thrilled that my boys are healthy, well adjusted, have friends, have neat interest, I love that they are unique individuals, I love it that they are always learning new things, beginning to think for themselves, and that they are becoming more independent each day.

The irrational side of me thinks why would they want to spend time with anyone besides me or David. Aren't we enough for them? Aren't we fun enough? What is so great about their friends or girlfriends? What can they offer them that we can't?

God, it's just hard letting them go even when it's just a tiny bit at a time. I know it's the natural process of growing up but I didn't expect it to be so hard or it leave me feeling so empty at times.

I know this way of thinking is selffish, immature, and it will pass. I know I'm self indulging.

You will never meet two parents more proud of their kids then me and David are.

I guess I should rephrase what I said earlier ... I should have said that for YEARS they were my only playmates, my world revolved around 2 little boys with bright eyes, contagious smiles, and voices that were memorizing. For YEARS I ran to them for love, hugs, kisses, entertainment and they filled my heart up.

I was happy spending every minute of every day with them. I had no need to make my life outside of our 4 little walls.

I've heard of the phrase "teenage angst" but I didn't know there was parent angst too.

I thank my lucky stars that David and I have each other to stand by one another while our boys get older.

I think this parent angst we're feeling means we're doing a good job if that makes sense.

What's Up

Summer vacation is almost here, 8 more week days to be exact

Memorial Day

David's birthday on May 26, I'm taking off work and we're spending the day together

Nick's birthday on May 29th and his pizza party on May 30th

First paycheck from my second job will be next week

TGIF will be tomorrow. Casual Friday is my favorite day of the week

Reading library books

Trying at least one new recepie this weekend

Things that make me go Uhm ....

1. When I hear David say my name
2. When I see the sky is a bright baby blue
3. When I hear jazz music
4. When I drink paradise Iced Tea
5. The smell of workbook paper (from any kind of workbook). If you open up a
workbook, stick your nose in the middle and smell ... It's one of the many
smells of childhood!
6. The smell of bleached whites
7. The feel of cotton bed sheets
8. The sound of crickets, bull frogs, and a dog barking in the distance
9. The sound the ocean makes late a night in the dark
10. When I see a mom hold her child

Like Sand in an Hour Glass

Where is the time going?? Our weeks seem to flow from one to the next in the blink of an eye. Only a few more weeks of school left until summer break. I don't have much of anything new to report. Mother's Day is this weekend and I can't wait to have my kids undivided attention all on me :) I plan to eat it all up.

I have not done any planting yet. Money is just too tight right now, especially to spend it on sprucing up an apartment building that we just rent from and don't own.

I started a new book by my favorite author. I can hardly put it down :)

This weekend it is supposed to rain some. Hopefully this means we'll have all our windows open and we can find a good movie to watch. And every now and then I manage to talk the boys into napping with me. I love having them close to me! I don't care that by next year both will be in high school.

David asked me to go on an evening walk with him sometime soon. I thought that was so sweet and romantic. I almost got goosebumps when he talked about it. I just love that man so much, more than I ever thought it was humanly possible to love another person!

What Happened?

Spring break has come and gone and it appears that summer will be here today. The high is 82 but I bet it will feel warmer than that. At 5:30am it was already almost 70. Our AC is already on at home.

So, what have I been up to lately:

1) I made my own playlist on YouTube
2) Celebrated my 16 year wedding anniversary
3) Beat my husband and one of my sons at bowling
4) Became a member of PaperBackSwap.com
5) Finished a book
6) Saw my niece and gave her lots of kisses
7) Told my dad's girlfriend of 20+ years that I thought of her more as a step mom than my 'dad's girlfriend'
8) Painted a bird house and hung it outside
9) Made a really good coconut cream pie
10) (tonight) will see my youngest son in his first Alton Youth Symphony concert - I can't wait!

Spring Break is Here!

Spring break has arrived! The kids are staying a couple of days at Grandpa's. David and I have gotten some precious alone time. Tonight we're having chicken wings, homemade potato chips, and apple turn-overs for dessert. For entertainment we have 7 Pounds to watch on DVD. It's the movie with Will Smith.

This weekend I feel like David and I did a little reconnecting. We both let our self conscience guards down and it was wonderful. It's amazing how great it can feel to put aside personal insecurities and let things just be.

In other news: our cat might be pregnant. She's either pregnant or just getting very fat. I guess we'll know soon enough. I hope she isn't pregnant because I wont want to give away any of her babies!! Not a single one :)